A little Italian grandfather comes up to Customs.
The Customs official says, "Have you got anything to declare?"
He thinks a second and he says, "It's a nice-a day!"
_____________________

I think my wife is getting a little nearsighted.
I woke up this morning, she was sucking on the bedpost.

_____________________

We've been married a little over four years, and we just celebrated our
"Wooden Anniversary."
Yeah, I asked her to blow me, and she wouldn't.
_____________________

This girl I know told me she was so horny her own tongue's starting to feel
good in her mouth.

_____________________

A middle-aged Jewish guy is out to dinner with his wife to celebrate her
fortieth birthday.
He says, "So what would you like, Julie? A Jaguar? A sable coat? A diamond
necklace?"
She says, "Bernie, I want a divorce." He says, "I wasn't planning on
spending that much."
_____________________

My Dick is so small if I got circumsized again, I'd have a scab on my ass...
_____________________

You know what that little red dot means in the middle of an Indian woman's
forehead?
............................"Coffee's ready."
_____________________

You know why there's a string on a tampon? So the crabs can bungee jump.
____________________

What's the white stuff you find in the bottom of girls' undies? Clitty
litter.
________

How can you tell if you're at a bulemic bachelor party? The cake jumps out
of the girl.
________

My Girl Is So Big....

Her clit has a knee.

She took off all her clothes, lied in bed, spread her legs... I said to
myself, "What am I
doing in this lane? I don't have exact change."

She was always fat................She was born an only twin.

She used to find money that was left under her pillow by the tusk fairy.

She was built like the Liberty Bell, only her crack was bigger.

Her last gynecologist quit........He was afraid of the dark.

I took her to Mount Rushmore, she couldn't decide which face to sit on...

Of course, she insists that she's not fat, it's just that they built the
sidewalks too close to her ass.